Larry Secrets

by Roger (the other Nelson) Nelson 

Home 

Did you know that King County Police, Seattle Police and State Patrol traffic officers actually held a secret "celebration" when Larry Nelson retired?  It's certainly not widely known, but a credible source of mine who not only attended the party - but organized it - has confirmed this information.  The reason for this rather surprising outpouring was Larry's decades-long habit of delivering seemingly benign punchlines to dozens of the world's dirtiest jokes - DURING DRIVETIME, which by themselves violated no FCC regulation or moral code - but to the thousands of men who had heard these jokes, upon hearing the punchlines prompted many of them to swerve unexpectedly into ditches, parked cars, bushes, etc.

The other secret I can no longer, in good conscience, carry is Larry's life-long membership in a twelve step group for those addicted to Norwegian potato flat bread.  (Non-Scandinavians, or those who don't have square heads, will know this as lefse).  Larry's addiction to lefse was so bad during the time I worked at KOMO that Lar actually had rubber pockets sewn into the inside of his jacket with which he'd pack with holiday lefse when nobody else was in the radio newsroom to witness the theft.

I apologize in advance for any pain my revelations cause, but I can no longer carry these secrets in good conscience.